On our way to Edmonton early in the morn today one of my passengers hit what I call a "Seatbelt Sign Dilemma". 

What happens when, as a passenger, you're in the loo when the pilots turn on the seatbelt sign? You have two choices:

1) Zip up, wash up and buckle up.

or

2) Remain seated on the toilet and hold onto your dear life and pray that it is not severe turbulence because besides having a concussion you'll also be sporting your own excrement after the ordeal.

Now what happens when you're a flight attendant and a passenger is inside the lav when the pilots turn on the seatbelt sign? I only have one option.

I knock on the door and ask them to return to their seat.

Now unfortunately for this passenger and subsequently unfortunately for me, she had food poisoning from her lovely cruise and she was going both ways... if you know what I mean. So when I knocked on the door she peers out and informs me, WHILE FLUSHING THE TOILET, that she needed another moment and then promptly slammed the door shut. The flushing caused all those poo particles to wash over me in a giant nauseating wave of death and I tried desperately to control my gag reflexes.

The worst part was that I was unable to run away because I was strapped into my jumpseat RIGHT NEXT TO THE LAV. 

Ah, the joys of this job are countless. 

 

I just got off from a Montreal flight, also known as my first flight since the stomach flu incident. It probably had something to do with those sloppy noodles in Hong Kong... But that doesn't mean I'll be quitting on street food any time soon!

Usually I wouldn't post anything from a Montreal flight since it's pretty standard with only about an hour in the air. Not much can happen right?

Wrong!

My first day back and I was on the bar trolley and I'm just serving my very first row when I drop an unopened can of ginger ale on a sleeping passenger. Thankfully he was another flight attendant deadheading so he just smiled and handed me back my can. I smile and apologized and then, like the air head I can be on occasions, I opened the can.

Yes, I opened the exact same can that just took a violent tumble from my hand into someone's lap and rolled around on the floor. You can probably guess what happened next.

It exploded.

I tried to contain it by clapping my hands over it but it just sprayed horizontally! And what would you know. The passenger on the right was wearing a fur coat and reading from her e-reader! Who wears a fur coat in this weather anyway?!

But regardless, I left her coat sticky and offered her the only things I had. An embarrassed smile and a sheepish apology alongside a bunch of soggy napkins drenched in ginger ale.

I bet all you animal activists just did a silent cheer.

So I was in Hong Kong for a vacation last week and was fighting my way to get home for work to be sent back to... you guessed it... Hong Kong. It is quite funny if you think of it.  

On a side note with all this drastic time changes I think I have successfully conquered jet lag. I have no more sleeping or eating patterns. Which is... good. I think. 

And since I'm on side notes... I'll be even more random. Did you know that washing your hands in champagne makes your hands super soft? I know it sounds like a waste but we have to pour it out at the end of the flight anyway and so I bathed my hands in the bubbly. I figured, why not?  And that was about the most interesting thing that happend on the flight coming here. 

I'm going to indulge myself in writing more about food now. Bear with me. 

Before going to visit the grandmother I had what you would call a bowl of "lah jah mean" which literally translates to "sloppy noodles". And it's as sloppy as you can get. 

It's located on the side of a street with a make shift roof and a trolley with an assortment of dishes you can team up with noodles of varying thickness. You have a choice of three side dishes which they'll dump in a pot of boiling water that they've been using since that morning and then they'll cut up your food with a humongous pair of scissors that's probably never been washed since the day they bought it and then they slap it unceremoniously into your bowl before sliding it down the table where you'll have to fetch your own pair of chopsitcks in a mishmash of cultury. 

And voila, your meal is served. 

Yeah, I'm classy like that. 

...almost. I decided to go to Hong Kong on my one week vacation and take advantage of my benefits this past week and almost got stuck there because everything was oversold. I was in panic mode for about a good 5 minutes and decided that I'd just extend my vacation. Turns out I was only there an extra day before I was on a flight back home. (Boo!) But nevermind the drama there. Let's talk about food.

On this particular five day excursion I discovered the best place for pineapple buns and Hong Kong style milk tea. I loved it so much I went there four times! That's quite a bit for a five day trip but that just gives true testament on how mind blowingly delicious their dishes were! 

Just look at that bun ;) It is a work of art. The amazing part of this bun is its ability to bounce right back up after you take a bite. No dents, no flaking of pineapple goodness. Just pure fluff. The "lai cha" (milk tea) is to die for. Creamy and full of aroma. Rich in flavour without being bitter. Perfection I tell you.

(To visit this famous old school diner, exit out of Mong Kok station and find Budt street and look for the insane lineups.)

The other featured Chinese delicacy is the "gwai leen goh" that my mother and I would polish off at the end of the day.

It's a condensed jelly of herbs that is suppose to be healthy for you. But don't look too closely at the ingredients. It's not all herbs. I'm just saying.

And the classic fish balls and slices with rice noodles in the back alley of some sketch street with a makeshift kitchen equipped with creaky tables and foldable chairs is the best tea time meal there is when in Hong Kong. 

The trick to finding a great bowl of fish ball noodles is to follow the locals. If the booth in the ally is full of people ostentatiously shouting orders and hustling customers in and out of the ally like there is a fire you've found a good one.  

The picture above shows you the BEST fish ball noodles I have ever had. It's consistency and bounce and freshness of flavour cannot be discribed. You feel like you can play ping pong with these fish balls. Ahahaha!  It's true though! 

In the background we have a tall glass of original flavour bubble tea (milk tea flavoured) that was only $12 HKG. Dirt cheap. But remember to order with "little sugar" or else that's all you'll be savouring. I know, bad grammar but that's how you order it my friends.

And thus ends my Hong Kong post. I ate out five square meals a day and I choose these particular dishes to rave about because of their sheer yumminess and because of their classic appeal in the great city of Hong Kong. I hope you find and enjoy these gems the next time you happen to be in the city.

It never fails. Once the seat-belt sign lights up someone is bound to desperately need to use the lav for "only thirty seconds". Or so they claim. 

March 3rd 2011. It was a long day. Had a four hour standby only to get a flight to Washington that was delayed THREE TIMES. Naturally everyone was cranky, including my In-Charge. 

We were all uber pleased when we finally landed only to be told by the Captain that the gate was occupied and we had 15 minutes to wait until the plane before us leaves. The entire cabin threw up their hands in a silent uproar. Everyone was still civilized at that point. 

The clock ticked and it tocked and finally one by one people came to the back in dire need to use the loo. It is my job to dutifully point out the obvious that the seat-belt sign is still lit up and for their comfort and safety they must remain in their seats because the aircraft could move at any moment.

I was conveying this to a young lady who was doing her impressive rendition of the pee dance when a mother with a three year old rushes past us and shouts "He needs to use the bathroom or else he will pee his pants!" and barges past the both of us unceremoniously. 

The young lady protests only to be told, "Oh pulease, you're not a three year old." 

Thus began my first cat fight I had to break up... while a three year old was trying to pee with the door open. 

I got in trouble for letting the both of them use the lav. At least peace was restored and everyone was happy once they emptied their bladder. 

But if ever you encounter me as your flight attendant, please, do me a favour and wait for the seat-belt sign to be turned off to answer the call of nature. 

Thank you and good riddance! 

I hate to make this a wordy post without any pictures. Here is a lovely view of Washington a little before landing. 

One of the woes with being a FA on reserve means that your dietary needs are put on the back burner. Usually when you're on reserve it means that you're a noob. When you're a noob, the company gets to call you up at all hours of the day to get your butt to the airport and the prep time is usually under three hours. Which means you never have time to pack food. Which also means you live on a daily diet of:

-granola bars

-instant oatmeal (apples and cinnamon only please and thank you)

-instant cup noodles (msg galore)

-canned tuna (I hate tuna)

-canned everything (I hate canned everything)

-instant everything that you can make with a meager coffee machine

Feast your eyes on one of the better set ups. I actually had time to pack something.